On Growing Up

On Growing Up Yes, I am the When I Grow Up Coach, but sometimes I feel like Im a bit of a fraud. Here I am, a 31 year old woman who thinks of myself as a 15 year old in every way but the engagement wedding rings on my finger. Yes, I see and acknowledge and feel proud of my accomplishments. Yes, I know all of the many past experiences Ive had and how much theyve shaped me, how much Ive learned, how much Ive grown, how much there is still left to do experience accomplish. But I look around see some of my friends, both older younger, see the homes they own in the suburbs their kids their early-to-bed lives think that I have a looooong way to go to physically mentally be in that Grown Up place. Part of me looks at that states matter-of-factly,   Part of my soul will die if I ever move to the suburbs, with only the slightest bit of overdramatization. I look at all the trees the strip malls the cars that are second homes I think to myself, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! And then I come back to the city, to our tiny apartment where a day isnt over until something has fallen on either Lukes or my head. Where the computer is literally 3 feet from our bed, where we have to turn on the TV so as not to hear each other pee the bathroom is that close to the living room. I dream of space, and light, and rooms, and stairs, and driveways, and bright blue skies and dark nights with lots of stars and private outdoor space (outdoor space!). But I also dream of walking out of my front door and being at a dozen great restaurants, boutique clothing stores, dance studios and gyms, galleries and theaters and public transportation, and big parks that are calling for picnics and runners. I realize that these two pictures dont go together, at least until Luke I have our first $6 million in the bank and are able to buy whatever we want, wherever we want. So now my Grown Up Self is saying to Be Responsible, pick the space the air the strip malls now that Luke I are really, seriously, really seriously looking to buy a home this year. Were not getting any younger, were going to have at least 1 rugrat in the next 5 years (itll be earlier than that, OK Mom?), we cant all live on top of each other. Meanwhile, my Kid Self is saying, BOR-ING! I want coffee shops, and nightlife, and a neighborhood thats moving shaking alive breathing full of STUFF! TAKE ME THERE NOW! My Kid Self is a bit of a whiny brat. But I know that I need to listen to her. Shes valid too. So I guess thats what growing up is. Redetermining your priorities and whats going to make you happy now that youre at a new place in your life. Living in Manhattan, thankfully, doesnt hold the same weight as it did when I was 26 would have to be escorted out by men in white coats if I ever had to leave. But it doesnt have to be Manhattan or Michigan. Its OK to not want a house in the burbs. Or not want that now, at least. Its OK to take a deep breath say, Its a priority of ours to have space not break the bank, but its OK to not take that to the extreme. That doesnt mean we have to go to Idaho or somewhere where half of our current budget would buy us a mansion, while here wed be lucky to get 900 square feet. Its OK not to do that. Its not what we want now. Within the last week our dreams and goals and realities have become clearer. And even though The Kid could be a brat sometimes, we dont have to ask her to leave. We dont have to do it 10 years from now, either. By then, our priorities might have shifted and it might be a relief to move to a house in the burbs not a soul-crusher. And if not, its OK to make our own rules as to what Growing Up means to The Wards. To our family. To our livelihoods. To our happiness. Growing Up isnt a box that you grow into, one thats been predetermined by the rest of the world (Now that youre married 31, you must buy real estate have 2.5 kids be a great cook purchase a mini-van spend time weeding harumphing over bills). Growing Up is learning how to make changes that align with your new priorities ones that seem to be different on a weekly basis, and might not be the same as your neighbors or your best friends or your Moms. And knowing how to acknowledge your needs that difference put the wheels in motion to make the choices that will support that. I guess, in a nutshell, Growing Up is about bravery. And discovery. And change.